Jeff's Excellent Unimog FAQ

N0GQ
 
 

[1965 Unimog 404S]

This is my mobile ham radio station.  It's a classic
two-door Mercedes convertable.  It's a 1965 Mercedes
Benz Unimog 404.114 Funkwagen (Radio Truck).  I bought
it Deutsche Bundeswehr (West German Army) surplus
from Patrick Robb at Cold War Remarketing in Littleton, CO.




Unimog FAQ:
These are the questions I get asked over and over and over every time I park my truck anywhere.  It's funny, everybody seems to ask exactly the same questions.

Q:  "Is that a Hummer?"
A:  Are you a moron?

Q:  "Why did you put a Mercedes Benz logo on the grill and on the hood?"
A:  This one always gets me.  Some fella at the Mercedes factory in Gaggenau actually put it there back in 1965.  Yes, Virginia, Mercedes does make things other than the cars you see drug dealers, real estate agents, and soccer moms driving around in.  They even made aircraft engines and Army trucks for the Germans (gasp!) in WWII.

Q:  "What do you do for a living?"
A:  What earthly difference does it make? Everybody asks this.  I work at Google.

Q:  "How much did it cost?"
A:  Ok, this is a fair question, even if it is rather nosy.  You can buy a running Unimog anywhere from about $4000 up to about $250,000.  Somewhere between $8000 and $12,000 is pretty typical for a decent 404S Funkwagen.  The troop carriers (flat bed instead of a box on the back) are often a bit cheaper.  Hard-top radio trucks are hard to find, but the canvas top actually works just fine, even in winter.

Q:  "What bank will finance one?"
A:  Hahahahahahaha!  Next question...

Q:  "Are you in a militia or something?"
A:  No.

Q:  "Then why is it painted camoflage?"  (seriously, people ask me this all the time, as if they think I'm lying about the previous question and think the camo paint job proves it)
A:  Because it was a military truck.  By the way, your parents aren't by chance cousins, are they?  I'm told that the pattern on my truck is "NATO Woodland Camoflage".

Q:  "Is it a diesel?"
A:  Nope, it's a gasoline 2.2L straight-six.  The same motor that Mercedes used in the 220 sedan back in the 60s and 70s.  It surprises me that almost every single person asks this.  Actually, I wish it was a diesel.

Q:  "What do you use it for?"
A:  I drive it whenever the mood strikes me.  I often drive it to work, and I use it to run around town doing errands on the weekends.  I'm a member of CO ARES (Amateur Radio Emergency Services) Districts 22 and 23, and I use it (well, will use it, at any rate) for ARES events (emergency communications during blizzards, floods, fires, etc).  It also makes a great camping and hunting vehicle, and there's nothing else on earth that comes close for off-roading in the mountains.  The funny thing is that everybody looks at me like I'm lying to them when I tell them all this.  I think they want to hear stories about how I use it to fight wars or kill bad guys or something.  Good grief, it's just a truck!

Q:  "Is it hard to find parts for?  Is it expensive to maintain?"
A:  Nope.  Nope.  Engine parts are available at your nearest Mercedes dealer (well, assuming you live in a reasonable-sized town), and even exotic parts are just a phone call (or e-mail) away.  I can't honestly say it's cheap to maintain (it is a Mercedes after all), but parts are cheaper than they are for my old Landcruiser (and cheaper than for Series Land Rovers, also, I'm told).  The only thing that has ever broken on my truck is the master brake cylinder.  I called Jim Ince and had a replacement in about two days.  Took me about two hours to put in.  Was it expensive?  Well, yes and no.  It was certainly way more expensive than a brake cylinder for a mass-produced 70s-era American car, but you don't buy a Unimog if you're living on the edge of poverty.  Don't ask me how long it took to bleed the brakes, though... ;^)

Q:  "What kind of gas mileage do you get?"
A:  This falls into the "If you have to ask..." category.  I get about six miles per gallon most of the time.  People who live closer to sea level have reported as much as 14mpg, but personally, I've never seen better than 10.  Fortunately, it's not my daily driver.  I feel sorry for the people in Europe who drive these.  At $6/gallon for gas, it costs $1/mile to drive just in fuel costs.  Ouch!

Q:  "What's the '05' number on the doors and hood for?"
A:  It's how the men in the black helicopters identify me from the air and know I'm one of them.  Actually, I'm told it's a bridge rating that NATO uses.  It has something to do with weight.  I've never worried much about it since highway bridges in the US are so over-engineered that the mother ship from the movie "Independance Day" could land on them without damage (this is not a complaint about our bridges, by the way - I like American over-engineering).

Q:  "How fast will it go?"
A:  Why does everybody ask this?  It's not like you're going to be racing the darned thing.  The engine redlines at 59mph in sixth (top) gear.  Around Denver, it's very rare that you ever see anywhere near that kind of speed.  It's a good thing, too.  59mph in a Unimog is terrifying (and deafening).  I can cruise up I-70 into the mountains somewhere between 10 and 15mph.  Yes, really.  I call it my "Mobile Road Hazard".  No, the newer models aren't any faster, in fact the 404 actually has the highest top speed of any Unimog.  Now it is true that some of the newer ones can actually hold their (lower) top speed up hills, whereas the 404 slows down to a crawl going up even the slightest incline.  On flat ground, though, 59 is the best you can ever hope for in any Mog.

Q:  "How many gears does it have?"
A:  Mine has six.  You normally drive in 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th, and 1st and 2nd are for off-road use.  There is no transfer case like in a normal 4-wheel-drive.  You can buy a crawler box for the 404 that adds two more (very low) gears.  Other Mogs have as many as twenty gears.

Q:  "Is it 4-wheel-drive?"
A:  Yes, people really do ask this.  Yes, you can shift on-the-fly between two-wheel-drive, four-wheel-drive, and four-wheel-drive with both front and rear differentials locked.

Q:  "How big is the gas tank?"
A:  Another one that always surprises me.  120L, plus three 20L jerry cans.  That's somewhere in the ballpark of 30 gallons, plus another 15 in cans.

Q:  "Can't you just put a big block Chevy in there?"
A:  No.  Seriously.  People have tried it, and it breaks very expensive pieces in a hurry.  Really.  Seriously.

Q:  "I used to drive one of these in the Army."  (ok, so it's not a question, but people tell me this all the time)
A:  No you didn't.

Q:  "Are you sure you're not in a militia or something?"
A:  Yes, I'm sure.

Q:  "What's in the back?"
A:  The bodies of people who used to annoy me.

Q:  "How much does it weigh?"
A:  Well, the title says it's 8400lbs.  Realistically, with all the gear in the back, it's probably closer to 10,000lbs.

Q:  "Why does it say 'no-GQ' in the back window?"
A:  That's my amateur radio callsign "N0GQ".  I have nothing against GQ Magazine.

Q:  "Are you sure you can't put a V-8 in there?"
A:  Yes.  Don't even think about it.  Yes, I know, everyone has heard of someone who has done it.  I have, too.  What you haven't heard is that they replace the transmission after every off-road trip at $1500 a pop (plus shipping and labor).  If you're going to be a Mogger, the first rule you have to learn is that you're going to be the slowest vehicle on the road.  Period.  Diesel Volkswagen Rabbits will tear past you.  Yugo drivers will sneer as they zoom by.  You'll be sucking the exhaust of Geo Metros.  Until the pavement ends, that is.  Then you'll spend half your time pulling hyper-customized Jeeps out of places they never should have tried to go so you can get through to get to the actual tough parts of the trail.

Q:  "Can I drive it?"
A:  Maybe.  What do you have that I can drive?  Any of the following will probably qualify you: